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April 1st, 2005

05:27 pm Cars still outside... nothing yet. Everything has been so hectic. I've been so confused about everything. I worked on my forensics project today. To kris: I didn't want to do a video, you forced me to. So fuckin don't yell at me if I make a comment. My schedule is so crazy busy. I have school, and then work and then gotta find time to do my hw. lol, i haven't done any since like nov. Well its time for work. Current Mood: exhausted

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March 21st, 2005

11:49 pm So its been a week, you would expect some progress, right? no. My car is still sitting outside my house, crunched up, depressed and violated. My car is one of the most important things to me. I cherish my possesions, the few I have, because I have worked for everything and that makes everything worth so much more. It makes tears form in my eyes that my uncle was too busy last week, and will be too busy this week to help me with my car. Now say I was a different niece or nephew of his, the mechanic would have seen it on tuesday. I push the little things aside and let the past be the past, but it all comes back together at some point. Last september all I wanted for my sweet 16 was a digital camera, that was it. My uncle didn't want to spend more than $100 on me after he said he would get me one. Ouch, disappointment. Now for a sweet 16 the following july he pays for a computer, even if he only paid for half, like my mom said, which i doubt, thats a lot of money. Its like i'm too stupid to realize whats going on. If i were a different niece or nephew I would have just been handed a car. I don't get it. At all. I've been trying to make sense of everything but it just isn't happening. I'm mad because I just worked my ass off, 45 hours in one week so I could get my car back. I wish everyone knew how important it is to me. I'm kindof like a middle cousin. This was just a revelation i discovered tonight. There have been other things on my mind. I just go with the flow, I shrug stuff off that bothers me. I cry to myself trying to make sense of stuff. I've been so busy the past few months that i've forgotten who I am. I don't like who i've become. Time to start fixing my life, I'll start with my car and then work from there. I just want to sleep through the next couple of months, i want to get out of this town away from this memories. I want to enjoy life again. Current Mood: sad

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March 17th, 2005

10:20 pm car=mess me=mess me=sad I feel like I just need to sleep for days. Clear my head out. Make sense of stuff, and stop worring, everything gonna be okay... and i'm not just talking about my car. There are other things that aren't perfect. I got a good laugh today when Lewis, who never talks was like "did you crash your car". lol. Whatever... its st. patties day... about to go get drunk, u should be too. Fuck working till ten. Current Mood: crappy

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March 9th, 2005

09:56 pm So I think I'm gonna be back to this journal for good. There has been a lot going on. Some good, some bad, but mostly good. The reason I am back to this one is because it is no longer a secret. But I guess its a good thing. So far I've gotten into two colleges: 1) Manhattan 2) Hofstra I am still waiting on fordham. My #1 choice. The things I want from a school are that they are big and close. Manhattan is close, but small, Hofstra is big, but about an hour drive(how i drive) but fordham..... big and close. I don't see why I wouldn't get in. Whatever... I'll just have to wait and see. School hasn't been too bad. Fed challange is over. I was so pissed that my group went to mr sobel about me. Iam one to get my shit done. At least I got an apology. A well deserved one after I did all that I did. I got a 96 on my french test. She said it was "superb" in french. Its pronounced the same way but it sounds so much cooler. Works ok, I like how suzette praises me. Its fun. It makes me feel good. I made $50 tonight. I wish I worked more. But its a lot more stressful now than it used to be. Whatever. I love that I've found some one to be with. Its nice to have somewhere to go at night, and to show off to the family. Current Mood: happy

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January 18th, 2005

12:01 am Daddy doesn't like me very much right now. Oops. 1) I had my car on thursday 2) I came home drunk thursday night 3) Daddy caught Rob and I kissing in his car 4) Just in... Daddy saw the hickie on my neck. Its ok though. He's not as big a dick as most dads. My punishment for thursday was its his decision whether I get to go out or not for the next two weeks, but so far thats been ok, minus the extreemly early curfew. Saturday night, my mom was gonna let me stay out until 2:30am. But daddy was dickish and said be in the door by 1. Grrr. But I went out thursday night, friday night, saturday night, sunday night, monday night, and i am HAPPY! Some words were spoken to me today that just made me smile. I was so happy to hear this. Rob got me a kermit the from from a machine at new roc, it made me feel like we're a real couple. Current Mood: happy

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December 19th, 2004

11:07 pm Yay I officially have tickets to The Used and My Chemical Romance!!! Yay!!!!! Current Mood: excited

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December 15th, 2004

12:03 am So sunday was my moms birthday. We went out to brunch. Chrissy thinks she got drunk. Ha. Then mommy went to the old house to finish cleaning. Then we had dinner and after dinner I went out. We went to 7-11 and then we went back to his house and watched half baked. When I got home the shit kinda hit the fan. Daddy pissed off chrissy who pissed off mommy who pissed off daddy who pissed off chrissy again who all took it out on me. So mom just said, "No school nights until we meet him." This was after friday when both of them said, "you have one week". Monday night I worked, it was crazy because we had some one who didn't know how to make the food making the food. So of course I got angry and I half assed my sweeping and mopping, I am not saying I didn't do it I guess I could have done it better. So Joey wrote me up. Ya know what, he tries to be my best friend and is always so nice to me and then "write up" fuck him. I was so upset this morning when I found out. I made it known to him that I was pissed. Unlike everyother person in that store I care about my job. Yeah I hate it sometimes but its good money and I like the people. After school I went to FBLA to count the money. After that I went to Utopia with Rob. Then I came home cashed my check, got gas, came home. Then I went out again. The best part is that after utopia he met my mom. I am so happy. She said he's cute. He has no idea how much easier this fairly simple thing is going to make my life. The paranoia that was instilled in me yesterday has left. My sister read my entry about knitting and asked me if everything was ok. Everything is ok now. I hate not knowing things. Tonight was cool with the "green monster" as he just called it. I am dead tired. Current Mood: tired Current Music: SUblime-smoke 2 joints (seriously)

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December 11th, 2004

11:15 pm EVERYONE CHECK OUT MY NEW JOURNAL.... ADD ME PLEASE... EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME AND I DON'T KNOW YOU ADD ME!!! CHECK IT OUT far__fromsanity I'm still going to use this one just as much as I do now, I just wanted to create a new journal that didn't have my old thoughts and feelings, because I didn't want certain people to see that so I am starting fresh, a new journal that anyone who wants to can read... I encourage everyone to tell everyone about it because I will not care who reads it like I do this one.

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01:05 pm So last night I was planning on staying in... the rain was just being utterly depressing. I was home alone. Nothing to eat for dinner, nothing to keep me occupied. I just wanted to curl up in bed and watch a movie. So I went to blockbuster and rented "pumpkin". It looked like it would be pretty good, but no. Actually it sucked. I also had to fix the no dinner situation so I went to Ray's Cafe on palmer and ordered a vegitable lo mein, hold the vegetables. I've never gotten it w/o the vegetables before. It was amazing. Pure noodle goodness. So I pull up outside my house after getting a movie and some dinner and my phone rings. So I ended up going over to Robs and finally getting the 12 pack out of my trunk. :) Then I got home, finally ate my lo mein, went online for a bit and then watched this horrible movie. Never see it. I didn't get to bed until like 4am and then my mom locked the dog in my room at like 10 and he was barking like crazy so I woke up and ate some lunch and went to cosi to get something but had no luck and here I am now. I have to figure out what I am getting my mom for her birthday. AHHHHH! Current Mood: happy

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December 10th, 2004

09:44 am So we moved a couple of weeks ago. My lj hasn't really been working too well so I couldn't post any pictures. Here are a couple of my room, and of whats been happenin! My Collections of everything I've ever had an interest in... My computer, tv, and part of my bed! My bed + taz! And Rob and his cat... So if this works, i'll be damned. Current Mood: blah Current Music: the rain

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December 7th, 2004

02:51 pm So last night I got two out of the 6 pages typed. I then decided that I would sleep for a couple of hours and then wake up and finish it. So as planned I woke up at 2am to finish it. I sat down wrote one sentence and ran to the bathroom and puked. Yeah I guess I bought myself another day but i feel sick as hell. Its nice to have my mom actually being a mom getting me tea and stuff, and its nice that rob has been encouraging me to get better and making me smile today. I seriously feel like I jsut want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. Everything worked out today, I was ready to call out of work sick after asking christina to cover my shift, like i was on the phone with Joey and Christina im'd me and said lauren would cover my shift. I will be forever grateful. Especially because Joey didn't sound to happy to begin with. Ugh, my tummy is killing me and I still have to write this fucking paper. I am working until 10 tomorrow, maybe spencer will swith shifts with me. Current Mood: sick

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December 4th, 2004

04:14 pm I just got home from the gallaria. I had gone to get some lunch with Rob. If my mom want to meet him, and his mom wants to meet me, why can't it just happen? Everything would just be so much easier. My mom wouldn't give me a hard time about going out at night and most likely would give me a later curfew. There are some things I don't understand and this is one of them. On another note it was nice to get out during the day with him. PPPLLLEEEAAASSSEEE!!! Current Mood: contemplative

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November 28th, 2004

09:46 pm The slurpee machine is broken at 7eleven. I wanted one so bad. I went to sleep around 4 last night. I woke up at 6:30 to go to work. I came home from work and slept for 4 hours. I'm still tired. Tomorrow is the 29th. That means 3 months since we started talking. I talked to Eddy on the phone today. He asked me if i've been behaving and I said um. He said thats what he likes to hear. I miss him so much. He has always been there for me. And now not only is he in Kentucky, he's in the army. I want to write him a letter but i don't know what to say. I broke in "old yella" today. It was good. I'm bored. Current Mood: bored Current Music: 311~Don't Dwell

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November 26th, 2004

12:01 pm Why is it that whenever I get any time off from school and work life is crazier and busier and more stressful than usual. For example--> thanksgiving weekend, half day wed., no school thursday or friday, no work from tuesday to sunday. But we have to move. Any free time I've had has been so taken over by packing. I did my stuff little by little, like I packed my fragile stuff, my closet(shoes and hanging stuff), my computer, tv, playstation, I brought that all over yesterday and wed. And then last night I had to pack everything else. It looked like it was going to be a tough job, and as i was doing it, it seemed like i would never finish but now it really wasn't that bad. I came back here for the night and I got Rob to go with me to 7-11. I really wanted one of the slurpee thingys but the machine said out of order. Then we went back to his house. I hate that I have a curfew, its so annoying. "Betsy be home at 1." My mom says if I call her she'll let me stay out later but its actually calling her thats the problem. This would just be SOOOOOOOOOOO much easier if he would just meet her. I feel like such a fucking 5 year old. Never before have I had a curfew. NEVER. Ok I have to go back to old house. Current Mood: annoyed

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November 25th, 2004

03:27 am Another lost entry. I need to get a new computer. Current Mood: went from happy to pissed Current Music: Sugarcult ~Champagne

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November 21st, 2004

09:37 pm So what was I thinking about? I was thinking about this past week. About how you said u wished I was there. About the smile on my face. About how friday night turned out. About this week coming up, how carol may come down. About my mom nagging me. About how much time I had left until I had to be at cosi. About how I was going to make cookies while I was at work. Nothing to worry about. I liked our 4am chat. I like how I didn't sleep. Well not really, because for some reason I'm angry right now. I have no idea why, I just am. Another shitty weekend. Edit: or did u just want to know what i was thinking about because you had a guilty conscience? Current Mood: discontent

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November 20th, 2004

08:27 pm Roxy is covering my shift on wednesday!!!! YAY!!!! This week last years is when my life started going faster. Everything happened so slow, or just time in general went slow. Now I can look back two-three weeks ago and swear that it was yesterday. Like I can't believe that its been a whole year since i saw 311 in poughkeepsie. Its crazy. I can't believe that its almost christmas, almost 2005, almost graduation. I like living at a fast pace. I think my life is a happy medium between fast and slow. Work was obnoxious tonight. I hate when servers think they are better than u. Its so annoying when they say "WHERE ARE MY DRINKS" and they are sitting there, or have been sitting there waiting for the servers to run them to their table. Ok, i'm bored, its really shitty outside. ugh. Nothing to do tonight. Current Mood: bored

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02:45 pm So yesterday started out being pretty bad. I was hoping so bad that it would get better. It wasn't, I was all ready to stay home and spend the night with my dad and then It got a little bit better. I ended up going out for like an hour or so. It was nice. It made me feel a lot better. I have to work tonight, only for 3 and 1/2 hours so its not too bad. Right now i'm watching Clue, I haven't seen this movie in forever. I haven't actually watched any movies recently, minus Scarface a couple weeks ago. I also watched the Four Feathers earlier. I'm in a movie and PS2 mood, maybe because its so shitty out. Or maybe because I haven't relaxed at all this week. Well minus tuesday night and last night with rob. I love sitting outside so much. I love the fresh air. Its so peaceful. So not stressful. Its like a totally different world, away from school, work, and my family. Monday I have to work from 6-10, tuesday I don't work, don't know what i'm doing, wednesday hopefully spencer will switch shifts with me and carol will come down and maybe it will actually happen, thursday is thanksgiving! I can't wait. Friday I don't know what I'm doing, sleeping in of course, maybe going shopping? "they have the best sales the day after thanksgiving." Saturday is matts show, I'm finally getting to see him! YAY! And then I work at 7:30 on sunday morning, as usual. I'm looking forward to this week coming up. I'm still kindof discouraged from this past week but it'll pass. I have to go shopping tomorrow... I really don't know what to buy. Current Mood: content

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November 18th, 2004

10:25 pm My computer deleted the first entry I wrote today. Basically it said that yesterday was a depressing day because of my arguement with my italian teacher and coming home and my dad filling out all this paperwork about disability, unemployment, and so on. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, cuz I'm spending the evening with two people I love being around. I have to do some shopping this weekend. Even though the past two days have been really shitty I'm not completly bummed out. Rob said something monday night. It was totally special. He also said on tuesday that in the time we've been hanging out that I have become more confident. Its true, I have but I'm thinking. Confidence, what I had at Christina's back in Feb to start talking/joking with him. If ya think about it I had a lot of confidence that night. I'm thinking of situations where I know I have been confident and where I haven't. What can I say, I wasn't expecting my anynmous comment to be so amazing. Current Mood: crappy

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